I'm ready

Im ready…. Im totally ready. I sinned…. I prayed. I kissed the blackstone and cried by the kaaba. I wasted infinite years in lust and indulgence. I earned some money and spent even more and more. I suppose that I was a good friend, saved some from boredom by naughty and gossipy tales. I worked, over worked, postponed work and even begged for work. I read, I wrote and I’m sure that I’ll greatly miss doing this again. I loved, I hated, I l forgave, I didn’t care, I screamed and then at last I became numb. I’m ready…I’m ready to leave. I will miss you all. I don’t know what will happen, and sorry I won’t be able to tell. Will it be a nap? A long sleep? A dream? I hope it won’t be a nightmare! You will miss me, I’m sure…just as I missed all those who went there. But where is there? Is it even a place…or is it just a different state? So many preachers shouted and warned us, but I think it should be ok. I have never harmed anyone and whatever I did was not intentional. Am I starting to confess? Too many questions will be on that day. Will I’ll be burnt for something silly I said or did, I hope this won’t be the way. Im ready…..Im totally ready. Im not running away from endless responsibilities, children to raise and bills to pay. If this is a short phase, a period, a journey, then let me reach the final stage. Am I longing to the eternal happiness? The peace of mind and everything we don’t have here and now. I had my share of laughs and a way bigger share of tears. I feel content and happy, now there is no reason for fear. I wasted opportunities, I let people down, I tried to do my best but most of the time I was lazy and lame. I loved the sea, the desert…. Do I have time to add more, I still have a lot to say. Im ready… am I ready? no Im not ready…. No one is ever ready to leave...