The other side of that last frame...

 

The other side of that last frame, the one with “The End” written on it, that is where I am standing exactly. Alone, silent, but not numb. I am ridiculously aware of all what happened, the whole story, how my heart and soul were recreated and resurrected several times. Like an ancient Egyptian curse, I survived our tragic saga. I passed through all the phases, and I hated myself several times, loved you again and again, and as I was starting to hate you, just as I was starting, I realized that I lost any feeling, I lost the ability to feel. You took a big chunk of my life and left, I know that you did not literally take it, it just followed you, it belonged to you, and could not stay prisoned in my absent presence.

I am not sending you any messages. I don’t really care about how you see the whole story. It became history, yes, I assure you, it became history. It did not work, and will never work. I can’t wait for years, I cant wait for things to change, I cant wait for you to miss me or consider things again. I lost my ability to love, whether this ability was a talent, an emotion, or even an organ, whatever it was, I lost it. I am still living, neither sad nor happy, but living. I am not looking backward nor forward; I am just living. No expectations of happiness I have to admit, but the good thing is that there will be no possibilities of pain. I have not got my life back, and I know that life will never be the same.

You were my baptism. But I lost myself in the process, physically I am still here, with the same naïve smile, and tired features, but something in me changed forever. I am not whining; I am just introducing my new persona. I have to befriend it, or at least I should not be shocked by its reactions, I mean my new reactions. I will take my time till everything settles properly. Now its time to clear the rubble, pant but keep moving, things will happen, am I not already relieved from the heavy burden of love?