When did I idealize you? Or did I idolize you?
Was it from the very beginning, love at first sight as the
teenagers say? Or was it a gradual process, in which I carried you to the
highest skies while saving myself a place in the lowest hell. Maybe it all
happened as we left, ooops, let me be accurate, as I was suddenly and cruelly kicked
out of your life. Yes, we tend to exaggerate the value and importance of what
we lose, we feel our loss, our need to them and how our lives all of a sudden
seem unfamiliar and barren. I created my own goddess, whether quickly or at a
rational pace, my creation was too good even for a goddess, I gave you every
possible virtue, beauty, wisdom, elegance, and unfortunately, I gave you the right
to ruin my life by a mere whatsapp emoji, a 21st century goddess!
Im crazy, I know, but this is not a new thing, being
irrational, unrealistic and unexpected has always been a big or even the main
part of my persona. So, what is new? When will I return back to my bearable
level of madness, when will I realize that you are a normal person, good or
bad, great or mediocre, a person, just a person and not a goddess. You are not
to be blamed, in fact you can leave this whole thing without any grain of
guilt, it is a very personal conflict issue between me, myself and I. You
highlighted some of my major defects, so maybe after a couple of years I will
look back and thank you, and hopefully I will not curse you before reaching
that level of maturity.
I am in the long and tiring process of getting back to my
senses, at least my familiar level of irrationality. I have to unmake you the
center of my life and must convince my subconscious that you are not welcomed
in my dreams anymore. Remember when I used to say that I loved myself more in
your presence, I seemed more handsome and funnier. No, I was not, maybe I was
confused or deceived but I was not at ease, and being with you did not feel
that safe and comfortable. I created the scenarios that would please any man,
the serendipity, the bliss of love, the happiness of being together, and the
profound meaning of every song. I created a beautiful romantic movie and
enjoyed playing it endlessly, till you got bored, you panicked and decided to
quit the whole surreal setting. The devil in me was ready to revenge, and it
was me who thought of destroying. Let the cameras keep rolling, what can be
better than a bitter melancholic romantic movie. Keep burning your days and
nights in the temple of your wise and beautiful goddess. Blame yourself, and
magnify your defects and praise her, keep praising her and enjoy your pain. Befriend
your pain, unite with him, invite him to your thoughts, dreams and
conversations, let this pain leave its marks on your tired features. Be gloomy,
moody and edgy, aren’t you a lover who lost the love of his life? Depression
suits you, right? Hate your life, belittle your own people, create detailed old
scenarios when they neglected or ignored you. Remember to look up at your goddess,
you love her, never forget this, love is your new identity now, you can not survive
with this love, its memories and pain. Don’t lose this new identity, otherwise
you will keep wading in your mundane life. Love made you a protagonist, at once
you are the hero, what a change, what a luscious feeling. Would you ever return
back to be one of the antagonists? Really, can you resist the glorious feeling
of being finally up on the stage. Don’t your tears look majestic, your pain feels
glorious and your whining sound poetic. Do you want to return back to the
gossipy boring conversations, where your people complain about the traffic , prices
and weather. The unadorned image of real life seems scary, right? You just need
to Wake up, I cant tell you take your time, as I honestly believe that you
wasted invaluable nights crying on an imaginary love story. You really have to grow up.
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