A nightmare

 I had a nightmare yesterday. It was brief just as all nightmares, but it was intense, a sudden dose of pure fear. I was aware of everything, the shock, the fear and the pain. It was a kind of horror movie’s metamorphosis thing. Should not have to be that scary but it was, I was turning into a shapeless lump, every feature of me was changing quickly into other unfamiliar forms, as if I was melting, as if I was turning into another creature. The process was quick, scary and painful. I woke up and this is really an unusual things to happen based on my very few nightmares. I felt the heaviness of my body, my legs and abdomen, for a moment I thought that I was still in that wicked dream. After a few seconds which of course seemed much longer, I moved my neck in an attempt to recognize my surroundings and that was it. I slept, woke up, slept and woke up many times before deciding to leave the bed and face my real nightmare. It kept visiting me throughout the day. It was simply a glimpse of hell, and that made me realize that you were my glimpse of paradise. Our encounter was sudden, brief and profoundly enjoyable. I was absorbed in your love and forgot all my life. It was intense to the extent that it felt as my salvation or a final reward for passing a mediocre life. 

I have always thought of a better ending, a more merciful one, a gradual one. What would happen if we stayed together much longer then boredom intruded and we left with no pain and with no regrets. I know that everything happens for a reason but why am I left with that idealistic perception of you and of the whole story? The only thing that I wanted was to be with you till my last breath, to share my life with you in the most straightforward and direct way. This did not happen and I am left with a goddess- like version of you and an undeniable depression. 

A glimpse of paradise, yes that is how I see the time we had. What was my sin to be kicked out of that long awaited happy state? Time passes, I know, and sometimes I try to convince myself that although the ending was harsh yet there could have been worse scenarios. Now, all what I have to do is to keep moving, in a while neither nightmares nor happy moments will remind me of you. Or maybe I will just remember you and move on.