I have been silent these past few days. I wanted to send you
millions of messages, but I did not. I wanted to ask you if you were following
what was happening in and to Gaza, but I did not. The world is a scary place, I
am full of rage, and I am sorry to tell you that a big part of my rage is
directed towards you. They say that the world is coming to an end, but I wanted
you to love me a bit more, to fight for me slightly stronger. I feel that I turned
into someone I don’t even like. Pathetic and needy.
Maybe you were right, I had a surreal romantic perception of
how love is. A compensation for all defeats, failures and disappointments. But
this is not love. You pushed me away, and unleashed all the insecurities that I
had cleverly covered for a number of decades, or that was what I thought. Now,
I am really lost, lost between two worlds, and can’t return to or settle in neither
of them. Give me my life back, before knowing you, before clinging to your
love, before turning you into a god. If you cant do this, take me to the realm
of love, yes that thing that you called “surreal” “illusion”, whatever….take me
to this world, and don’t leave me alone.
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