Your version of the story

 

Tell me your version of the story. I have been talking for so long, I told you the story several times, from every angle, I analyzed although I’m not that kind of person, or I tried to analyze. I tried to understand, anyway, I have been trying to recall all our moments, stitch assumptions together and come up with excuses for what has happened, or what did not happen. Now I have to shut up, step back, sit and listen to your version. 

For god’s sake speak, tell me, even for the last time. Tell me what happened to you, how did you see the story, how did you see me from the beginning till the end, is there an end, I mean are we now post- the end? I told you I will shut up, but I just want to throw all my questions. You once told me that your silence is an answer, and I have to admit that it is a very cruel answer. When you are silent you give the impression that you really don’t care, or that I’m not that worthy of an answer or of a conversation. Conversations mean that at least two people are interacting with each other, I have been in my endless lonely long monologues and I miss listening to you. Done with your polite scented es about the weather, the prices and the news, I want one of these phone calls to be about our love. No, about your love, whether it was super short, an illusion or a miss calculated move. I will be listening, scream, curse and cry, I’ll listen to all of this. Accuse me of anything and I’ll be patient, I will not interrupt you, I will not provoke you, I will listen and will do my best to understand. Don’t try to justify things, feelings are not justifiable, be yourself or be the relaxed and more spontaneous version of yourself. Don’t worry about being blunt, this won’t hurt me, I think I’m already dead, the dead don’t feel hurt. 

Are you wondering why do I need to listen to you? I don’t have a logical answer, and darling, you adore logic, it’s not curiosity, it’s not self lashing, or May be it’s a mixture of both plus other bloody things that I don’t even know how to describe them. I am trying to forget you, I am really trying, but as I keep monitoring every feeling, I am aware that I’m fooling myself, there is no way to forget you. So, what I’m going through now is a new phase, a phase where I question every mood I pass through, and my moods are endless these days. I’m easily distracted, always lingering between memories, dreams and lies. Yes, I’m lying a lot these days, about silly things, is this a side effect? No one ever mentioned that those defeated in love start to lie, maybe I’m trying to create a different reality, a world of me own, where I give life to the incidents that I wanted. I never lied on you, I wish I did, I wish I was smarter and ….. I should stop talking now and listen to you, please tell me your version of the story.