Gazing at you

 I’m still questioning everything about us. How do you perceive our love, or more honestly, my love? You are cruel, you are cruel, you are cruel. In fact your cruelty surprises me, amazes me, forces me to deny it. We sit and talk for hours, stories from the past, tales about people that I will never meet, I gaze at your face and travel in my dreams. I want to live with you every moment, it’s a shame that we haven’t met before, decades ago, where I would take place in all of your stories, where I would witness the birth of these tiny wrinkles around your eyes, the changes of your hair style including the crazy ones of the 1990s. You keep talking and I’m still gazing, oh god I love you and I feel that I’m losing myself in this love, disintegrating slowly into a wreck, a lump of regret and despair, a shadow of what I used to be. They say love creates better versions of us, I’m not sure. May be they meant fulfilled love, healthy love, love where both lovers build, demolish and rebuild each other again. But here I am, sitting alone, waiting for a miracle that can never happen. How pathetic it is to wait to be loved again? Have you ever loved me? Did your logic allow you to love me for a few moments? Is this what your love turned me to, a needy man? A lunatic complaining about love yet preaching about love. Haven’t I seen your cruelty before? May be it’s your revenge? But why…. What did I do? How can’t you feel these flooding emotions, may be you are overwhelmed, may be you are scared, or May be your are just tortured by your logic?