Frustration

 

Frustration! This is all what I feel, profound frustration, I just wish we did not meet, life was much simpler, much straightforward and much familiar. Now, I hate you and hate myself million times more, and it is needless to say that I resent every moment of love, happiness and hope I had with you or dreamt to have with you. I hate Cairo, that grey dusty depressing city that we both call home, with other 22 million desperate souls. Our God Osiris was cut into 14 pieces, and each was wickedly thrown in one of Egypt’s regions, his beloved wife Isis, roamed our land and gathered the torn pieces, used her magic, I mean her love, recreated her beloved Osiris for one night, they made love and created Horus. You cut me into several shreds, threw mw all over Cairo, to make sure that Im in pain, severe pain wherever I walk, or drive. You did not need magic, and of course you did not need love, to turn my life into an eternal abyss of misery, anger and regret. Every street and every neighbourhood in our dilapidating city carry a memory or a memory to be. We said we will visit these places, when the weather gets better, we will go to these monuments, what else can be done in Cairo, right? We mentioned felucca rides, in Maadi and also near down town, Ah downtown walks at night, that Pizza place, that tiny famous one, may be visiting the Museum before it loses all its belle epoque charm. Every where in Cairo has a piece of me, my love, my hopes to visit together, and my anger that we are not together. I should leave Cairo and its people in their destined defeat, and live my own tragedy. I need Isis to gather my torn pieces, all the pieces except my heart, I don’t need any more pain. I need Isis to blow her sacred breath, recreate me, a stronger man, a man who does not believe in love. Isis, I need your magic, and let your love be my last encounter with love. I need your love to bring me back to my old life, my familiar life, where I did not lose myself into a one-sided love, where I did not love someone who enjoys her life while I am dying every single day. Isis, the goddess of mourning, I beg you mourn my life and mourn my love till you feel that all this pain, all this sadness and all this anger deserve a new life.

I am frustrated, I need the magic of all the gods and goddesses together, I need to return back a year ago, before meeting you, before surrendering to love, and before losing myself. If this is my test, quest, or challenge, I admit that I failed in a legendary way. Isis, my goddess of mourning, wisdom and magic, why don’t you help me? No mercy for this lame man fooled by love. Why don’t you send Set to burn this sad city with all its humiliated inhabitants, why doesn’t the God of war, chaos and storms revenge for me, for my naivety, my love and loss. Hate, has such a strange taste, strong, irritating and disgusting. Im whirling within a tornado of hate, anger and a sheer need of revenge. I need my life back; I need it badly. You gave me memories, invaluable feelings, overwhelming emotions and then what? Left me with all this agony, awakened me and threw me to a horde of zombies. Why am I blaming you? It is me to blame, it is me to hate. No my love, no, today allow me to hate you, to hate you as much as I love you, to hate you as much as my heart can bear.