I am sorry

 

I am sorry. I am really sorry. I bombarded you with all my defeats and traumas, and wanted a sudden compensation, I even yearned for a brand-new beginning. How naïve? I am sorry, I was inconsiderate, I told you that I was bored of your logic, which was the reward you got after all your long battles, all your wounds and all your noble resurrections . I kept bragging that I am the “day dreamer” among the two of us, but how this could benefit any of us?

Am I returning back to my senses…at last? Or is it this bloody migraine attacking me again? I am sorry, I acted childishly, I ruined everything and I can not blame you for anything. Was it the bad timing? No, I won’t blame the “timing” again, it was my hunger for love, my hunger for happiness and my hunger for another life. You knew that I was asking for the impossible, that there were hordes and hordes that would have been affected by our love. You understood the situation, while I was mesmerized by your beauty. “You killed your feelings towards me”, didn’t I scream at you once, or was it you who declared this firmly?

You knew that it was a mere dream, but I refuse to admit that this is the truth, and even if this is a dream, I don’t want it to come to an end. Did you call it irrationality? May be, but who heard of rational love? I remember that I once told you how I felt that I have been wasting my whole life waiting, waiting for things to happen, waiting for life to bloom and waiting for that sense of serenity. Sorry, my love, it seems that I was self-centered, overwhelmed by my own scary abyss, I forgot your own needs, your own fears and your own defeats. I am sorry.