That couple!

 I went to that art exhibition that we were planning to go together. I don’t know why I did not wait, we still had 10 days before they  change it, 10 excuses to send you messages, 10 excuses to know your plans, or at least the plans that I am allowed to know about now. May be I wanted to get used to doing things without you, to enjoy my life alone, restaurants, exhibitions, monuments  and movie theatres, just like before. The paintings were amazing, I wanted to call you and shout, ”Wow, the artist is incredibly talented”, but I trained myself not to call you at that time of the day, I stopped sending whatsapp messages during this slot, I don’t know why but I have an unjustified paranoia that you will be sitting with someone, sipping your coffee while it is still hot, smiling, or even laughing, moving your long fingers in these theatrical moves as you speak, it was our time, I mean the time we used to meet when we used to meet.

I starred at most of the paintings, and caught myself murmuring of what I wanted to tell you, “ the composition here is perfect, ….this posture reminds me of our ancient Egyptian statues,…..  this is really beautiful … what do you think”. Can you imagine, I really asked you about your thoughts and your favorite one. I was alone in the hall, I thought of sending you photos, may be you would get angry and ask why didn’t I wait for you as we planned. But if you didn’t say that I would have got angry. A couple entered the gallery while I was lost in my thoughts. I sat on that lonely wide bench infront of one of the large masterpieces, I distracted myself by the colors, textures and compositions, so that I don’t follow that couple, they were moving slowly, whispering to each other, their smiles were beautiful and their eyes were shinning in a way I had experienced a short while ago.

I sat in my car, did not move, and did not know how to control the unneeded cascading thoughts. So will this be my new habit? Envying  couples, scanning their moves and comparing them to what we would have done. A year ago, I would have mocked their romantic moves, I would have said that they could go to a coffee shop and leave art exhibitions to those who are really interested in art. Strange! May be life is punishing me, or simply love is punishing me.