We did not sit and listen to music as we once said we will do. Do you remember when one of us remarked that we just turn on the radio and drive without really listening, and of course without appreciating the music. Now, it will be very awkward to ask you to sit and listen to some songs, “it’s a thing that friends don’t do” isn’t this becoming your favorite remark, or even a motto. Listening to music is something that friends don’t do, ok, but to be honest, some days I am not in the mood to play the role of a friend. Friendship is precious, I can’t deny but it’s totally different than love. Am I mentioning love again? Let’s return back to music, I wish I could confess that I still hear music when you come across my mind, yes, just like in the popular romantic movies.
Millions of thoughts cascade in my mind while I remember the night that we kept talking about Fairouz’s songs. My friends who know our story insist that I’m immortalizing this immature-could-have- been-a-love story for the sake of romance. They assured me that if everything went well, we would have been sitting in the typical creepy silence that fills the houses of married people. Of course, there will be no music heard whenever I think of you, may be there will be no music at all, the reasons are many, and they would be familiar to one of us, if and only if our live story was given a chance to survive. What is the reward for someone who is waiting for a miracle, waiting for the impossible, waiting for what will never happen, what is the reward? But do I have any other option? Haven’t I tried, mmmm … I’m not sure if I really tried or if it is a bit early to try forgetting the dreams, moments and stories we had together.
May be such bliss was too much for me? I remember that I used to tell you that “I am so happy… I am so happy”. Did I consume my share of happiness quickly in such a short period or was my share that intense? The short bliss that led to eternal pain, may be this is the pain needed to reshape me to endure the rest of my life alone. Not really alone, as I am surrounded by the chaos of the half lives I have to live, and haunted by our handful bitter-sweet memories.
Some days are ok but most days are tough. A few days ago Fairouz was comparing her lover to the longing of the desert to sweet breezes. It was a beautiful old Andalusian song, and really nothing can express my longing better than such a couplet. This song moved from the favorite list to the dangerous list, I still have tasks to finish and I don’t have the luxury to pause or collapse just because my longing to you is as strong as that of the desert to the sweet breezes. How I wish we had more time to listen to music.
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