The "Stolen moments"

 

Yes they were “stolen moments”, although this sounds like a cheesy cliche, but it is the truth. They were not stolen from the “others” as you repeated more than once, “your others” and “ my others”. No, this is not what I meant, we stole these moments from us, from our fake personalities, the ones that controlled our souls and tarnished them. Can’t you remember how spontaneous, innocent and cheerful we were? During these precious moments our pure souls were whirling together in way we have never experienced before. I can imagine you laughing sarcastically at my hocus-pocus, but if you really disagree please give me an explanation for such blissful times that we shared.

These “stolen moments” are all what I have now, they are my memories, my homeland and the place I escape to. I don’t know your feelings about them, may be you remember some of them and smile, or may be, out of being a logical person you packed them properly and stalked them in the past, the past with all its randomness, vagueness and unfinished stories. I fear the day we will sit and talk about our love story as a topic, or an issue, or even as one unfinished story of the past. Anyway, whenever we meet now, these moments are not “stolen” anymore, they are planned, controlled and even seem sterilized. We sit away from each other at an exaggerated distance, we don’t shake hands and in the rare cases that we do, your hand shake is faint and hesitant. We speak in a conservative manner, to make sure that not a single metaphor leaps to our sentences, even our smiles are controlled so that no smile is longer or more cheerful than it should. Oh, my god, our conversations now seem edited, revised and approved. Apparently the difference between the “stolen” and the “approved” moments is similar to my true soul and my fake persona that has been leading for several decades now. One is cheerful, honest and spontaneous and the other is hesitant, gloomy and frightened. These aspects kept lowering my expectations on so many levels, and for so long I have been accepting what should have never been accepted. This miserable persona forced me to doubt my dreams, to mock them and deny them, just to be in the safe side. After all these realizations, you don’t want me to stick to those “stolen moments”? If it were not to meet you there, at least I will meet myself, without compromises, without limitations and without that ambiguous sheer fear that has been controlling my life for ages. I love you.