Patience

 Patience, ah, the advice that people generously disperse it among each other. But what is patience? Is it waiting and waiting till you get what you wanted or reach where you desired? Or is it a kind of lame surrender, so it is simply waiting and waiting till your life comes to an end.  Is patience, a mixture of surrender, acceptance and oceans of oppressed sadness that fill you while you perform your mundane duties. Ok, let me listen to your advices, let me be patient, but about what? About grasping such precious life and losing it in no time? Or do they mean that you will return one day to me, and all what I have to do is to be patient! 

Everyday passes without you is a day lost from my life, is a missed opportunity of happiness, and I became very conscious about the passing of time. I became paranoid about how the months are gliding away and we are approaching summer. Summer again, with all its memories, hopes and plans. I was still thinking about how many years had been wasted before meeting each other. How would we be able to recall two whole lives, our stories, the people who passed by and left scars and lessons, and most importantly what we missed along the way. Again, I’m stranded between two scary cliffs, my life before meeting you and my life after you left me, and I’m toe tipping on a fine thread of memories. O, these memories are being turned into myths, I think that unconsciously I added a few phrases to what you said on that day, more smiles and many more glamorous laughs of yours. In these memories you were so caring and loving, maybe this wasn’t really the case, maybe you were nice, just nice, and nothing more. Patience they say, ok, if it is acceptance and surrender, then they are asking me to accept the loss and the awareness that there is such an enormous feeling that I will never feel again. Haven’t I always said that “ ignorance is a blessing”? If only I did not know that there was such a life-changing kind of love, I would have been much happier, unaware of what I am missing. But now, after spending sometime in the paradise of love, I don’t know how to return to my old life. Patience, they say, so I must be grateful for such a brief transcendence, as not everyone received such an honour, and what an honour, I was exceptionally lucky, but maybe such legendary encounters do not suit me. Maybe it would have been safer and calmer to continue wading in my calm, boring to death yet safe life. Patience, they say, till love or the loss of love complete their work, transform me completely to a human wreck, who feels the pain, empathizes with those who suffer and gets worried about those who are madly in love. Is this my destiny? To be elevated to a more noble man through a rough journey of pain, loss and grief? Am I kidding myself or is this just the effect of my antidepressant. Yes, I returned to those wicked pills, maybe they help, maybe they push the days with all the sadness that fill them, maybe they will guide me to that vague thing called patience.