We found each other

 “We found each other” this is what I felt and believed in. Two souls bumped accidentally into each other to realize that being together was the only logical thing to happen. It happened quickly and subtly, so none of us could have recalled the beginning of our story, or this was what I thought. The happiness was extreme, unbelievable and unexpected, so no wonder that I lost my mind. I remember how I was surprised by my realization that the songs lyrics made sense, all of them, even the ones that felt too fluffy or too…. Whatever, this became history. Now I’m shattered alone, feeling the loss of what made me complete and happy. I used to feel charming, more handsome and funnier, can you imagine? Remember I told you, and you replied in an absent minded tone “ enjoy it while it lasts”. Of course I didn’t notice your seriousness or sense of melancholy, I kept smiling cheerfully or rather naively. 

“It would not have lasted forever …. “ I shushed my friend when he told me this, and I angrily said, “But it hasn’t been long enough”. I collapsed, why? Is it my vulnerability or is falling in love makes us even weaker? So, is it the urge to feel complete that forces us to seek love? Or the fear of such incompleteness that eats us up day after day. I feel a huge void in me, a dark, sad void that is getting bigger, it is dragging me away from everything familiar. Sometimes I feel that even my features had changed, my grimace became harsher, more wrinkles surrounded my eyes, I aged in a few months, weathered. I survived the lack of love throughout my whole life but I could not bear tasting it, then all of a sudden I’m deprived. 

Don’t you miss me? Ever? Didn’t you feel the same surreal joy, the sense of completeness or that strange feeling of returning home, finally returning home. They say heaven will be a state of mind, not a place, and I was in heaven with you, no wonder that I am losing my mind now. I am not Adam, and I wasn’t given his will and god doesn’t love me as he loves Adam. Without your love I feel banished, I feel worthless and I feel banished. There is no place that feels like home anymore. I am just a temporary thing floating in temporary spaces for temporary periods of time. Will I ever return back to your heaven? Weren’t believers promised that you will live eternally in paradise? I believed in love, and I deserve to live eternally in your love, or die eternally in it.