It will take me sometime

 

It will take me sometime not to say it again and again,

 it will take me some time not to gaze at your eyes,

 it will take me some time not to lose myself in your words,

 it will take me sometime not to shiver as we shake hands,

it will take me sometime not to cry on my back home,

 Home? But where is home? And what is home? I have always made fun of love songs, mocked the sighing teenagers and the kitschy romance of movies. Now, here I am, wandering around such random flushes of happiness, bitterness and despair. I was not prepared for this, was not prepared at all. I am hiding in my darkness, begging for a moment of enlightenment, an answer to the million questions swirling in my mind.

May be this is love, true love, the one that shakes you off, breaks your heart, turns into a martyr, may be? Is this what happening to me? A mirage, may be all my life has been a mirage, hazy memories of dreams, silly ones, unfulfilled ones, and tons and tons of postponed dreams. How would anyone postpone his dreams?

Lovers talk about their love, don’t they? cherish it, sing it, live it and love it. That is what love does! Yet my love silenced me, may be these words could reveal some of the pain, that eternal pain that I have been ignoring, denying and hiding by imposed smiles and a fake sense of contentment. May be its my tiring lust for life, no, no, not this time… It is love, the need to be present, the need to be there, the need to share the moments, the silly moments, the dull moments, maybe this is real love.

Here comes anger, running towards me like a mad boar, a barren wasted life, compromise is the key, wasn’t that what they said? Better than the others, aren’t you? And who is happy, don’t be naïve? For the sake of all gods, why did I plunder my days? Regret is all what I can taste. Maybe it was not meant to be? Then why would I taste the bitterness of love in such a harsh way? No questions are allowed! Keep going silently as you have always done.

So, love exists?

 Yes, I can assure you. Love struck me as a revenge of all the years I buried in disbelief. No matter how sleepless my nights will be, may be one day I will resurrect my heart and savor the sweetness of these few days.