Selfies

 

By now I would have sent you a couple of selfies! As silly at it sounds but we were still at the peak of the selfie frenzy phase.  I was never a fan of taking selfies, but I realized that I looked really happy in the ones that I sent you. Does love make us more beautiful too? You interrupted the whole things, with your rational thinking, and I accuse myself of being pushy,  ha? We could have enjoyed what was happening for a little while before throwing all these questions in the air. May be you were looking for stability, the exact thing that I was escaping. My whole life is static, expected and quite, do you know how does it feel? I was dying to live before I die. Stability, sorry but this is the last thing I can think of. 

May be I was selfish? I wanted love, to love you and then I started begging for your love. I told you that I was accused of being “Selfish”, you laughed and admitted that you were accused of being  “ stingy”. Selfish and stingy, a combination destined for pain or may be  total failure. 

 Love made me happier and more compassionate. I felt that everything was perfect, even Cairo with its crazy traffic and ugly buildings, the sad , defeated and ugly faces. I wanted to tell them to cheer up a little, don't you love? cant you all feel the love that is filling our world? For me nothing else mattered, only love, it felt like the answer to all our pains. Selfishness? Is this considered an act of selfishness, loving you, and needing you to love me?

“There was something… “ that was what you said, with all your rationality and a bit of indifference, you refused to say that it was “ love”. For god’s sake this is not attraction, too precious and profound to be called mere attraction.  when you answered my call and calmly explained what happened, you made me feel as if I have to apologize for my feelings, apologize for loving you! I felt worthless… I was ashamed, am I that bad? Should love be expressed in a more “formal” way? In calculated doses, maybe?