Again, the words seem unable of fulfilling the only purpose they were created for. Cold, helpless yet provocative, they appear in front of my eyes, to remind me of my situation. Alone, missing you, unable to meet you, can’t call you and unwilling to send a message where all my emotions will seep along the way, till you receive the lame letters that mean nothing.
What am I waiting for ? Really, what are my options? A miracle, I loose my memory or this cycle of my life comes to an end? I prefer to be waiting for a miracle, one in which you realize that we can not not to be together. I’m not very keen about the different scenarios or the cinematic moment where we will meet, talk and realize that you did not stop loving me for a single day. Nothing of these details is important, I’m talking about a miracle here. Maybe the miracle is that I will realize that all what I have been through during the past few months was a nightmare. One long cruel nightmare, but it’s over. I will wake up, call you, pass by you and we continue our conversations while you cook, I’ll be setting the table while making fun of your meticulous way of doing everything. I will eat more than I should, as always, time will pass quickly as usual and I won’t be gazing at your eyes, or pausing at everything you do, why should I ? I don’t have the paranoia of losing you, of being kicked out of your world. We will sing, I mean we will try to sing, and unfortunately I will have to leave. Even the goodbye hug won’t be as long or as strong as I have been dreaming of for months now. Why would it be, it’s just a normal goodbye hug and we will meet in a couple of days or even the next day Inshala.
Yes, it is a nightmare, and the worst thing about nightmares is when they become familiar. I wake up, do whatever should be done, sleep to wake up again, I say the same bla bla bla and stay silent for the most of the day. Only day dreaming is saving me from severe depression. As the world is collapsing around me, wars, disasters and financial crises I must be grateful, and I must keep silent, as who wants to hear a one-sided love story?
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