I’m the slave of love. As everyday passes I experience something new, something different and unfortunately always something painful. You invaded my nights, dreams, memories and even my hallucinations. You filled them all with your presence, your smiles, laughs, ironic remarks and provocative comments. Yet, you disappeared from my real life, so I simply cancelled my future plans. No need for any plans, the past had all the happiness and you were the one who made sense to everything in my life. Now nothing seems neither logical nor familiar. Sometimes I wake in the middle of the night wanting my life back, but I push this thought away, what was my life before you!
I count the days over and over again, while pretending not to be counting them. But I count them backwards my love, I check how far are we from the days of our love. I mean how far am I from these days. The days became my new enemies, just as everything else, I even see the words as my enemies too. I see them weak or rather dead, definitely incapable of conveying my love. Patience, longing, missing, …. They are just letters devoid of any meaning. Days and words…. What else is betraying me?logic? But logic was never a friend, never ever.
Yesterday I kept staring at your smile in one of our photos. Was it a genuine smile, were you really witnessing this pure happiness? When did you start calculating the whole equation, and how could you tell me that you were able to put an end to the feelings that were developing towards me? I hate these words, harsh and decisive. Was I supposed to beg to be loved? Would it have helped?
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